Dear Mr. Speedball (heroin and coke)

Well I don't have much to say to you but…Thank you, I love you. For awhile you were wonderful… My best friend, I could always rely on you to get me through my rough situations, with a smile on your face. The feeling you give…when I'm rushing on my Ron, and I feel just like Jesus' son, and I put a spike into my vein, and I tell you things aren't quite the same. And I guess, but I just don't know. But then you turned on me. You have put my rump on the line…and set me up for failure. I lost my family, friends, respect (self/others). And dignity. I have been in jail four times and Bree (my girlfriend), remember her… well she is in jail as I write this. You jerk. What have you done to me and my life? I live under a bridge. What is that? But you know what…you can't win this time. I'm stronger than you. I'm getting help. You are so deceiving and candy coated, but you're not. I do thank you for the many good times, the escape, and most of all - for the good kick in the butt you gave me. "A good lesson in life: If you hang out with garbage, you start to smell like garbage. That's all."

P.S. Please lose my #

Your "friend", Josh

Beware of the smiley face!

Joshua Daniel Wagner, November 4, 2000

Journey in a Small Room

I see a boy lost in a world of his own,

Wishing he were really there.

Dark and corpulent filth surround him.

He struggles to get out.

He is pretending to be somewhere he is not.

Everything is clear, but just a short while.

A candy coated adventure only fit for a child.

Nightmares and dreams vanish into reality.

Nothing's going to touch you in these golden years.

Opportunity knocks.

Knock. Knock. Who's there?

Oh, don't mind me. Child will play.

Rockwell Children Dream.

Josh Wagner - September 9, 1999

Josh

The colors he wore, bright as the sun magnified the beauty and warmth that he gave to others - enlightened the day listening to his voice.

The way he spoke showed me a new spirit of life, much more than greed, enlightened me to a bigger world - a path.

To embrace serenity upon my need - the presence of his spirit brings unity of sobriety to the air I breath - fulfilling hopes and dreams, as recovery, not easy as it seems.
Above the heavens across the light that brightens our day our friend resting in peace gives me strength and courage that my pains on dignity are not so insane.

As many hearts were blessed with the presence of a fine young man by the name of Josh.

Ron Littman
Cobar House